Recently, I chuckled as I read an article about a dating service in China advertising to women by telling them they would disappoint their Grandmothers (who could die soon!) if they didn’t stop being so picky and just settle down to get married already!  Thank goodness I live in the US, I thought with smug satisfaction, where we believe there is more to a woman’s life than being a spouse.

I shouldn’t have been so smug…  The Wall Street Journal has just published an op-ed from Princeton alumna Susan A. Patton telling college women to “smarten up and start husband hunting.”  Oh, but how can I be a smart husband hunter, you may ask?  Never fear (heterosexual) ladies!  In case Patton’s advice is confusing to you, I’ve expanded on key points from her article here, so you will know exactly how to score the “cornerstone of your future happiness:”

• “Casual sex is irresistible to men, but the smart move is not to give it away. If you offer intimacy without commitment, the incentive to commit is eliminated. The grandmotherly message of yesterday is still true today: Men won’t buy the cow if the milk is free.”  Got it?  So, the message here is sell sex, so your future husband will buy a cow.  Or, something like that.  Since you’re in college and all, I’m sure you will figure this one out.

• “And if you start to earn more than he does? Forget about it. Very few men have egos that can endure what they will see as a form of emasculation.”  When you negotiate your first salary, don’t go for the obvious tactic of trying to earn the highest amount possible.  Negotiate that salary down ladies — your future husband’s masculinity depends on you!  (Don’t worry about not having a husband and being underpaid, just remember the milk thing from above and you will have yourself a winner husband, for sure!)

• “…avoid falling for the P.C. feminist line that has misled so many young women for years. There is nothing incongruous about educated, ambitious women wanting to be wives and mothers.”  That’s right, don’t fall for those ugly feminists who hate men and motherhood!  They are just trying to trick you by feeding you lines about how women should be supported in a variety of choices about how to live their lives.  Why would you want options (including, but not limited to: motherhood with or without a partner, not having children,having a high-powered career, having a low-powered career, staying at home with children, loving being single, being committed to a partner, or any combination of these)?

Thank goodness we have this good advice from Patton, who is busy warning college women about avoiding the bleak future of leaving college without an engagement ring. Between Patton’s words of wisdom and the advice from Chinese dating websites, you can be assured of not disappointing any dying relatives in your lack of a husband, or being bothered with focusing on your pesky intellectual development over the true goal of higher education for women, earning your MRS!