Letter to My Senior Self

Dear Zion,
You should be about 22 now. I imagine us getting ready for graduation now, what will we wear? Something cute but professional I would hope. How are we, I hope that we are wonderful? Happier, and more focused. (Maybe even some weight loss, yes?) I know we’re beautiful with or without, but sis… we could be fine.

Back to business, I am doing better than I did before. I’ve rid us of negativity, you better have used that to your advantage. I’m serious about the focus thing though, it’s our biggest issues. Sometimes I feel like I actually have something wrong with me, but I’ve made it this far, I can make it further. It’s the reason we don’t sleep enough, and the reason we’re behind in some of our class’. I really want to earn that 3.7, we’ll be so lucky. I’m getting more into sports and working out, maybe that will help us along the way too. I love it so far; it’s helping me a lot in the journey of reclaiming myself. Finding what my hobbies are, what I’m passionate about, what makes me happy. You know I hate being confused, and I seem to be confused a lot of the times. Do we ever get over that? The confusion? I keep telling all these people my future plans; PhD, government job, become a professor, big house and two dogs, adopt some kids. That doesn’t feel real to me, feels like a default. Feels like I am settling, or maybe I just feel that way because I’ve had to say it so many times.

What are your next steps? Are you staying here in Virginia, or are you going back to D.C? I hope neither, I hope you go explore and find new things. We always dreamed as kids how we would go back to our home, the RVA. How we would build a life there, but just like my career dreams, that feels like settling. I know why it feels like settling, because you made these plans when you settled for him two years ago. I dream that we are no longer settlers, that we are a free spirit. Stop settling for the coinvent and for the first thing that falls in your hand, go out and find something worth living for. You go to this amazing school, with these amazing opportunities and people. You better have taken advantage of that. Take the year of study aboard, talk to a classmate, speak up when no one wants to hear your voice. I think of all these wonderful things, I know I will accomplish them. Release the anxiety and blossom. I believe in us.

I added this picture because it captured my true smile and laughter. I don’t ever want to forget that; I spent a large part of my life trying to please others. Coming to this college helped men realize I need to care for myself as well, and I pray I never forget nor lose my happiness (Even in the smallest things).