Boundaries
SMART Goal #1:
By the end of services, the client will be able to identify 2 of their triggers in regard to their depression and anxiety.
Objectives:
- Learn what triggers are
- Discuss possible triggers
Agenda: 50 minutes with a 10-minute break
- Regroup and get settled in ~ 5 minutes
- Explain what boundaries are ~ 13 minutes
- Explain the correlation of boundaries and triggers ~ 7 minutes
- Discussion ~10 minutes
- Activity ~ 10 minutes
- Closing, questions, comments ~5 minutes
Lesson Plan:
What are boundaries?
“The limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships. A person with healthy boundaries can say “no” to others when they want to, but they are also comfortable opening themselves up to intimacy and close relationships (What are personal boundaries 2016).”
Boundaries are the line that separates one from everyone else. Boundaries help to tell others what is acceptable and how you would like to be treated.
Types and Traits of Boundaries
Types:
(Martin, 2o20)
- Physical – protect your space and body
- Example: “I do not like hugs, but a handshake will work.”
- Sexual – protect your right to consent, preferences, and honesty
- Example: “I have a rule of no kissing on the first date.”
- Emotional or Mental – protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts
- Example: “I would love to be there, but I am not in the best headspace to do so.”
- Spiritual or Religious – protect your right to believe in what you want
- Example: “I understand you would like me to go to church, but that is not what I believe. It is okay for you to go though!”
- Financial and Material – protect your possessions and money
- “I cannot loan you more money until I am paid back my previous loans.”
- Time – protect how you spend your time
- Example: “I have plans on the weekend, so I will be unable to do any schoolwork. We can get it done beforehand.”
- Non-Negotiable – these are deal-breakers and are a must to feel safe and respected
- Example: “If you cheat on me, this relationship is over.”
Traits of Healthy Boundaries:
- Values own opinion
- Doesn’t compromise values for others
- Does not overshare personal information
- Accepting hearing “no”
Characteristics of Effective Boundaries:
(Rogue, 2021)
- Firm
- Clear and straightforward
- Communicated clearly
- Enforce punishments if they are crossed
- Zero tolerance for pushing boundaries
Boundaries and Triggers
Healthy boundaries allow an individual to focus on their needs while communicating them to others. By doing so, this can reduce anxiety.
Triggers and boundaries share similar processes including:
- When something happens, an emotional response is activated
- The situation can bring about negative memories
Setting healthy boundaries can lead to stronger relationships and reduces exposure to negative triggers.
Setting healthy boundaries can reduce anxiety/triggers by:
- Reducing overcommitment
- Improving relationships
- Improving self-care
Boundaries are essential for healing past traumas. Setting boundaries is a way to feel safer in situations where triggers may arise or a person will avoid a space if triggers could arise.
Discussion
Have you all set any boundaries in the past? If so, were your boundaries respected or violated?
What boundaries have you set?
Did you notice any improvement within yourself and your relationships?
Are you nervous to set boundaries due to the risk of others getting mad and/or offended?
Activity
Visualizing Your Boundaries
The purpose of this activity is to help bring awareness to boundaries that need to be set, your triggers, and stressors.
Give each participant 2 sheets of paper and a pen or pencil. Do each step in order.
Reflection – take a moment to reflect on current life situations & answer the following questions:
- What is causing me stress or discomfort?
- What do I dread each day?
- What do I look forward to every day?
- Who/what drains me?
- Who/what makes me feel safe or unsafe?
Inside the circle – draw a large circle onto the paper and inside of the circle, write what makes you feel safe, supported, and stress-free.
Examples:
- Being with my friends
- Going in nature
- Spending time with family
- A partner
Outside the circle – on the outside, write down anyone or anything that causes stress or panic, or is triggering.
Examples:
- Your neighbor
- Certain places
- Friend’s borrowing your clothes and not returning them
- Money
- Certain family members
Afterward, have each participant say what they wrote down and explain each response, if comfortable.
Closing, questions, and comments
Have everyone go around the room and share:
- What do you feel you can take away from this session?
- Does anyone have any remaining thoughts or comments they would like to share before the session ends?
Materials: paper, pencil, and pens
References:
Martin, S. (2020, April 23). 7 types of boundaries you may need. Psych Central. Retrieved April 22, 2023, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/imperfect/2020/04/7-types-of-boundaries-you-may-need#7)-Non-Negotiable-Boundaries
Rouge, B. (2021, January 11). The five characteristics of effective personal boundaries. Medium. Retrieved April 22, 2023, from https://medium.com/mind-cafe/the-five-characteristics-of-effective-personal-boundaries-3df79402e263
What are personal boundaries? (2016). Retrieved April 22, 2023, from https://uhs.berkeley.edu/sites/default/files/relationships_personal_boundaries.pdf