His Friendzone Level is over 9000!

Posted: 6th December 2012 by Zachary Sneed in FINALBLOG, Uncategorized
Tags:

In this blog I am going to look at the friendzone, just being friends and  how it affects personal relationships and is viewed in the mass media. For celebrities it is hard to be just friends and keep the romance out of relationship looking at Chris brown and Rihanna who are reportedly back together after being seen in a club but Brown says they are just friends. Opposingviews.com

Many of us have been in the friendzone. It is a hard place to be but some times its where we are just stuck. Every once in a while a man with enough prowess and skill has the skill to get out of the friendzone. If you have no idea what it is or if you’re in it then you probably are. It’s something that can only be understood once experienced. Urban dictionary defines the friendzone as, “Friend zone” describes the way most women stop seeing a male friend as dating material after a certain amount of time has passed, even though she might have begun dating them had he acted differently when they first met. Not quite getting it yet well lets let Canadian heartthrob Ryan Reynolds explain the friend zone a little better.

In this post I want to explain how the friendships/romantically involved are displayed in the mass media. The friendzone has become one of the iconic plot driven lines for movies, television and other medias. Before starting there are some things to clear up about the friendzone. In this I will primarily be looking at the friendzone as it relates to male being romantically attracted to the female. In the friendzone the female usually does not know about the others feeling. Some people are thinking but Zach, men and women can be friends this article can somewhat prove it. indepedent.co.uk I would like to argue your point with  the movie industry and a public poll taken at random.

If it seems like a poll of random college students are not enough I would like to point out that the movie industry has made a point that it is impossible for men and women to be just friends and keep it that way. Don’t believe it? Well here are a few examples.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the number of movies that have been based on friends becoming more than friends and leaving the friendzone. Hollywood has given those who are stuck in the friendzone a false hope that they will one day make it out of the friendzone.

The friendzone involves all levels of the Personal Relationship except for the romance and the sexual aspects of being romantically involved.  The friend hits all levels of being committed to the relationship in the hopes of the other seeing them as more than just friends one day. Trust is a key component of the friendzone, trust in a relationship is believing in another individuals reliability. This trust between them comes with self disclosure or revelation of personal information about the person that are unlikely to be discovered in other ways (Wood, Ch.8 2009). In this friendship the sexual attraction  can cause difficulty between the two. In the United States and other western cultures there is a high level of emphasis put on gender and sexual relations which makes it hard to look at certain individuals  without having sexual tensions. (Wood, Ch. 10 2009)

In the movie industry we see the how many relationships that begin as friends turn into love by the end of the movie and most of them follow the relatively similar plot line. The plot usually goes like this, Guy and Girl friends are introduced and the movie establishes that they are just friends. They both acknowledge that they can only be friends and see each other as nothing more. One of the individuals in the friendship becomes romantically engaged to another person. One person realizes that they cant be just friends and makes an effort to show their true feelings. The other person responds by saying they are just friends. Then later in the movie before the one individual makes a big decision that will affect the rest of their lives they realize they are also in love with the other person and they run to meet them and be together for the rest of their lives. The End.

That is the typical Hollywood way that has become adaptive to the sexual relations between friends. Comparing movies to the real life friendzone there are a lot of similar shown. One thing shown in the movies is how the friends are always there to support and listen to each other. Once being in the friend zone for a while the friends will be able to understand the perspective that their friend has. When the friend is talking to them about a problem it is easy for the individual to understand the perspective and understand through the use of paraphrasing or giving minimal encouragers to show support for the friend. Using the movie Friends withe Kids it is shown when the main character gives a powering speech about how he knows everything about his best friends and how he understand her perspective and how that person feels about all topics. People who are in the friend zone do the same thing. This comes form what was stated earlier about trust in the friendship. Research suggests that when learning to listen people learn by observing role models (Fernald, 1995). applying this research to the friendzone in movies people may be learning to put themselves in the friendzone as a way to move toward a romantic relationship with a person.

One of the negatives that comes with the friendzone is putting yourself out there to that individual and hoping they return those feelings to you. When this happens it can go either one of two ways, the person you are expressing yourself to can return those same feelings or give the old, “We are just friends” line. Then this leaves the whole friendship tainted because of reciprocated feelings. theracquet.com

In conclusion the friendzone is a tricky place. It is not bad, it is not all the time good, sometimes its what you need, and sometimes it where your trapped. The friendzone involves giving a lot in a relationship sometimes without the ultimate goal of one individual being met creating a win-lose situation. Where all the emotional needs of the friend not in the friendzone are met but of the one who is in it. After reading this it is hopeful that an understanding of realizing that you are in friendzone or have a friend who is friendzone and can recognize this. The movies are great and a should be taken as fiction and personal lives should not be compared to or try to mimic the plots in movies as a basis for a personal relationship. The use of this information is helpful in understanding that if you do have a friend who is of the opposite sex that having feelings for that individual are natural. They should be handled with care and those feelings can not just be thrust upon a person in the hopes of having the same feelings returned. There is hope in getting out of the friendzone but sometimes its the only place you can be in having that person in your life.

 

 

 

Bibliography

Fernald, P. S. (1995). Teaching students to listen emphatically. Teaching Of Psychology22(3), 183.

Wood, J. T. (2009). Interpersonal communication (6th ed., International ed.). Belmont, Calif.: Wadsworth

I feel too close to Love you.

Posted: 25th October 2012 by Zachary Sneed in Comm 310, Dr. Stuart, ICOMM2

I have had a lot of different types of relationships in my time. None of these relationships have been the same and have always ended differently due to different types of reasons. Some of them were due to differences in views, some were for not being on the emotional level. Many have just been due to falling into patterns or for actions outside of the norm.

Using my experience to work my way through dealing with certain types relationships and the communications that comes with it. I would like to look at the comfort of relational dialectics. Relational dialectics are the opposing forces or tensions that are normal in a relationship. I will be discussing how this process can affect different types of relationships. Mainly looking at romantic relationships but also looking at parental relationships with their children and between friends. Relational Dialectics can be broken into 3 different types of categories.

Autonomy/Closeness

forever alone funny 13 Forever alone, cest la vie (40 Photos)

Autonomy and Connection is about how in relationships sometimes we need our own space and do not need to be with an individual. Like in the picture above where our lone man is having a quality good time by himself while everyone around him is experiencing the closeness factor that comes from being with another individual.

This dialectic works in a number of ways depending on how the relationship is. Looking at the positive side of the dialect it gives the individual time to work on themselves and figure their self out mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. This time is different for everyone and they express it in different ways. Mine for instance is going to the movies by myself or while on the water. When the time of autonomy is done the individual can come back and share their individual self with the other. The negative of this can lead to when one individual constantly wants to be around the other and does not give time for autonomy. A very good example is the overly attached girlfriend/boyfriend. The time by yourself is precious and can even be interrupted by that individual through even if they are not with you.

Overly Attached Girlfriend

The second type of relational dialectic is Novelty/Predictability. This dialectic is all about the difference in patter and the unexpected. Looking at predictability from a relationship between a couple. There patterns that are very good for a relationship that help that relationship build security, comfort, and stability.  Though there are benefits to the predictability in a relationship, this can have a numbing effect and an emotional drain on the couple. There needs to novelty in a relationship to spice things up form the normal everyday activity that couples do together. Although too much novelty can have a negative affect as well, making the relationship unpredictable and has little time to build comfort and security.

This clip from the movie lets go to prison shows how the novelty can take its effects on the relationship. One member of the cell only wanted to go out and do something fun, while the other only wanted to stay in and do the same thing that they do every night.

The third one relational dialectic is about openness and closedness. Openness and closedness is about what needs to be shared in a relationship and what needs to stay a secret in the relationship, using the relationship of a worker and coworkers relationship as the example. The openness of the worker to tell his coworkers about everything can sometimes be a good thing creating trust and giving the individuals someone they can talk to when in need but somethings need to be private  because it can cause tension in the work place or it will help understand why an individual is the way they are. The use of the openness and closedness can be seen in the video below describing how the effects of the being to open about what your life can cause tension and it can also cause understanding of why an individual is the way they are.

 

Dialectical tensions in a relationship are going to happen, its natural because no relationship is perfect. Everyone will need to meet one end of the spectrum at some time or another but what a relationship is all about is finding that common ground for everyone and making sure that they are met.

 

Bibliography

  • Wood, Julia T.. “Communication Climate: The Foundation of Personal Relationships.” Interpersonal communication: everyday encounters. 6th ed. Belmont, CA: Wadsworth Pub., 2010. 200-202. Print.
  • Toomey, Stella. “Boundaries and Intergroup – Interpersonal Communcations.” Communicating across cultures. New York: Guilford Press, 1999. 188-193. Print.
  • Tracy , Pamela. “Relational Dialectics.” Interpersonal Communicaiton. Longwood University. CSTAC, Farmville. 23 Oct. 2012. Class lecture.

Visual Bibliography

  • “YouTube.” YouTube. N.p., n.d. Web. 25 Oct. 2012. <http://www.youtube.com>.
  • “theCHIVE – Funny Photos and Funny Videos – Keep Calm and Chive On.”theCHIVE – Funny Photos and Funny Videos – Keep Calm and Chive On. N.p., n.d. Web. 25 Oct. 2012.
  • “quickmeme – make & share your meme.” quickmeme – make & share your meme. N.p., n.d. Web. 25 Oct. 2012. <http://quickmeme.com>.

Frattin is a Habit, Get like me

Posted: 27th September 2012 by Zachary Sneed in Dr. Stuart, ICOMM1
Tags:

I remember my first time watching the movies of my people. They were all there the architects, the heroes, the builders of what was to define a tradition that would stretch from one group to the next. The god who sat on his thrown at the fore front was John Belushi or as we know him, John Blutarsky from Animal House, the movie that defined what it meant to be in a fraternity the prototype of fraternities. Animal House is not the only movie to create this meaning of what fraternities are stereotyped as, there are plenty of others that all generations have with movies like Old School, Going Greek, American Pie: Beta House and the television show Greek to name a few.

These media personifications of Greek life create a stereotype. Julia Wood said, “A stereotype is a predictive generalization applied to a person or situation. based on the category in which we place someone or something and that person or something measures up against the personal constructs we apply.” (Interpersonal Communication, Ch. 3 p. 71) Many of the stereotypes associated in the media of television and the movies are a simple hyperbole  of what actually happens in the Greek communities around the United States. This is strictly looking at social Greeks. There are different types of social Greeks on college campuses. All campuses, that have Greek life, have social Greeks that fall into a certain stereotype at every school. The stereotypes of fraternities are as follows

Hazing

Drinking

Party Animals

These three actions set the prototype of what the typical frat boy stereotype is that the public outside of Greek Life think it is all about. I believe this can be changed and used to also describe sororities and National Pan Hellenic Councils (NPHC) groups, which are typically known for black students. But there are different stereotypes for different fraternities at all different schools. While one fraternity at a college indulges in the three activities listed above and that is all they do apart from a small bit of community service or a once a year philanthropy but they are known as the party frat. Then on the same campus you have a fraternity that works with to have a good GPA on campus, does over 400 hours of community service and participates in organizations on campus, whole also having parties and drinks in a controlled environment. Now what if we go to another college in another and look at the exact same two fraternity but the roles have been reversed. Many people believe that one fraternity is the exact same throughout the whole country and fit the same stereotype from chapter to chapter. This is not true.

Due to the mold created by the early movies listed above many do not believe in what is mentioned above and see Greek letters and automatically place the stereotype with it. In the Greek system it is something that mostly can not be explained unless experienced. This fits into to class on the level finding stereotypes that fit and dissolving stereotypes across with single individuals. The use of the stereotype to mark a single chapter at a college is not useful for as shown above all chapters are different across the country. The stereotype is to create a general idea. In the example above both fraternities did have parties, they were just on different scales. Both fraternities participated in philanthropy and community just on different scales. When comparing the same fraternity at different college roles become reversed or focused more on certain aspects of fraternity life. This shows that the stereotype for judging all fraternities as party animal, alcohol drinking, hazers can affect the prototype of what a fraternity really is.

Sources:

  • Wood, J. (2010). Perception and Communication. Interpersonal Communication: Everyday Life (6th ed., p. 71). Boston: Lyn Uhl.
  • O’Donnell, B. (2009). What’s Right With Fraternities. Chronicle Of Higher Education56(16), A76.

 

 

Hello Planet Earth, but mainly Comm 310, I am Zach. I am a Senior at Longwood University and I am studying Communications concentrating in Mass Media. I hail from the mean woods of Powhatan, Va. I am involved in a number of things at school like my fraternity, Theta Chi, which I serve as Risk Manager for and happen to do a pretty great job at. I am also the Vice President of Leadership Development for Longwood’s Inter Fraternity Council (IFC). After school I would like to travel and then take over Jeopardy for Alex Trabek since he is getting on in years.

How I usually Feel

How I really feel

I transferred Communication Studies after two years of studying Theater. I figure I am already going to be famous, so I thought I would leave theater and give others a chance to practice acting to try and compete. In my time as communication major I have taken classes in public speaking which I naturally excelled at. In my other classes I have learned how to write and manage blogs through classes like Computer Mediated Communication and Media Critique. I have worked on articles for the school newspaper The Rotunda and been published a couple of times. I am currently studying broadcast media and will be able to video and put together sound and video packages.

This semester I am in interpersonal Communications this semester. I have had a great deal of work in this aspect of communications especially with my previous involvement on campus and my professional career. On campus I sat on the executive board of the programming board (Lancer Productions) where I worked one on one with celebrities and their agents planning events and finding out what is essential to creating a good program for the student body. Out of school in my professional life. I have spent the last 5 years working as a camp counselor. I started as Junior Counselor and worked my way up to serving as a Senior Counselor Assistant head, in this position I worked one on one with children suffering from homesickness and needed help working on their summer goals, while also writing home to parents with updates on how their children are fairing. This summer I worked on the administrative staff at camp serving as the Camper Services. This role involved working one on one with camper solving problems, like how I worked with the kids as an Assistant Head but Camper Services also works one on one with the parents helping solve problems that may arise at camp or problems that my service at home by calling, emailing, and meeting one on one. This involved working different levels of families based on size, economic status, culture, and ethnicity. This job is all about Interpersonal Communication.